


questions and answers

by IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, M/M, canon compliant deaths, distant pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/IronSwordStarShield
Summary: The newscaster has moved on, talking solemnly about the death of some major political figure in Vietnam but the ticker reel shows the news anyways.“Billionaire, philanthropist Tony Stark announces engagement with long-time girlfriend, Pepper Potts.”Steve doesn’t want to stop and examine the odd squirmy feeling in his chest.





	questions and answers

**Author's Note:**

> three semi connected drabbles i wrote right after rewatched IW ages ago

Steve’s been staring at the phone for… who even knows how long. It feels like it’s been at least a solid minute. His eyes glance up at the television. The newscaster has moved on, talking solemnly about the death of some major political figure in Vietnam but the ticker reel shows the news anyways.

_“Billionaire, philanthropist Tony Stark announces engagement with long-time girlfriend, Pepper Potts.”_

Steve doesn’t want to stop and examine the odd squirmy feeling in his chest. Instead he thinks about the unique opportunity this presents to him. The letter he had written for Tony didn’t leave room for Tony to reach out to him, despite the fact that he’d given Tony a phone number. Steve had waited in the first 2 months for the phone to ring. For Tony to call. But there’s been nothing but chilly silence.

Some nights, when Steve feels inexplicably lonely in the tiny hotel room he’s sharing with Sam, he’ll pull the phone out and contemplate calling Tony. Just… because. But he never does because Steve is a coward. He’s the one who fucked up. He’s the one who betrayed Tony’s trust. But at the same time, it’s up to Steve to extend his hand again. To show Tony that he’s sorry. That he regrets hiding the truth from him. That Tony is very much his friend, as much as Bucky.

Which brings him back to his current dilemma: Tony is engaged. Steve should congratulate him. It’s only polite. It’s what friends do.

But his fingers feel cold and numb. Something inside of him rattles with every breath he takes, nervous and ready to fall apart. Steve licks the back of his teeth and decides to bite the bullet.

“Congratulations on the engagement. I always knew you and Pepper were going to make it.”

Steve types out “Can’t wait for the wedding.” before hurriedly back tracking. He’s not going to presume.

His throat feels dry as a bone as his thumb hovers over the send button. It’s just one button. The slightest bit of pressure. But Steve can’t. He doesn’t feel like he has the right. But… he misses Tony. He misses the Avengers compound. He misses being part of a team, a family. He misses the stability of having a home and not constantly being on the run. Steve closes his eyes, biting down on a wince because God he’s being so selfish. Again.

“Shower’s free Cap” Sam drawls as he passes by, slapping Steve’s shoulder as he does so. “Be sure to leave some hot water for the girls.”

Steve can’t hear what Sam’s said because he realizes the slap drove his finger into the button and the message is gone. On its way to Tony. Horrified and relieved, Steve snaps the phone shut and puts it away.

(He runs into the tiny bathroom, heart in his throat. And hates the faint hopefulness that begins to creep up on him that maybe… maybe Tony will….)

* * *

Steve doesn’t get a reply till two days later. The phone buzzes on the night stand and Steve sits up like a shot. He won’t admit it to anyone but he fumbles in his excitement, the phone slipping between his fingers and almost dropping to the floor.

But Steve manages to catch in right before it drops, hanging half out of his bed. His heart is in his throat, nervous excitement rushing through his veins as he hurriedly flips it open and sees Tony DID answer! It’s one word but it’s communication.

“Thanks.”

Steve closes his eyes and presses the device against his forehead. He inhales deeply and whispers softly, “Thank you Tony.”

* * *

Tony starts when he feels the vibration in his pocket. Without thinking about it, and before he realizes its not his own smartphone, because that rests in front of him on the workbench, Tony pulls out Steve’s burner phone. He flips it open, wondering who sent him a message.

_‘Idiot,’_ Tony thinks barely half a micro-second later. _'Of course it’ll be Steve.’_

It’s a simple message.

“Congratulations on your engagement.”

There’s a lump the size of a his fist in Tony’s throat. It deprives him of air and makes it hard to swallow. What’s he supposed to say? Thank you? Wish you could be there? You and your crew are invited or else Pepper’ll roast me? Should he stir up the ashes of his burned up resentment and ask how can Steve put the past behind them and act like nothings changed between them?

Tony exhales, hard enough to make DUM-E let out a concerned whirring sound. He massages his temples and considers his options. Is it worth it? Tony asks himself, to stir up that old fight? To feed himself poison for the sake of getting two seconds of pleasure from hurting Steve? No. He’s too old and too tired for that. So Tony swallows part of his pride and takes the high road.

“Thanks.”

The reply is polite, concise, and even has a period at the end. No ground given, no ground lost, right? Tony hopes that’s the end of it. But Steve seizes the opportunity given to him and sends him a bunch of messages in reply. Tony tortures himself by reading only the first two before bitter question bubble up the back of his throat. How can Steve be talking about how cold Switzerland is and not apologize? Or at least explain why he kept Tony in the dark?

He gives into his pettiness on the day Steven sends a message about… To be honest, he doesn’t even remember the message now. He just remembers Steve referred to them as friends and before Tony knew it, he’d been angrily typing back, “Is it the same kind of friendship you had with me where you didn’t tell me the truth about my parents deaths?”

Disgusted with himself and Steve, Tony turns the phone on silent and tucks it away. He forces himself to ignore the soft curves of the device tucked into his jacket, hoodie, pants. He doesn’t want to know what Steve’s reply is. He doesn’t care.

(Only he does. He so terribly does. But Tony’s always been an accomplished liar.)

* * *

“Hope, warm and bubbly, springs up his throat when he flips the burner phone open and sees Tony’s name on display. Relief and joy (and guilt) crash into him, making his hand tremble a little as he presses the accept button and breathlessly asks, "Tony?”

Dismay swoops in like a vulture, sinking its claws into Steve’s tender belly and making him bleed, when Bruce’s crackly voice tentatively asks, “Cap? Is that you?”

* * *

Tony’s thoughts fracture. Splitting off into multiple threads simultaneously before cracking. Like threads of sugar spun too fine.

_Peter’s gone. I’ll have to tell May._

_  
Strange’s gone too. What did he mean by the end game?_

_  
What about Wong?_

_  
_ _The guardian’s disappeared too. What happened to Thor?_

_  
_ _Thanos has all 6 stones. Who else was gone?_

_  
_ _Pepper… Was Pepper…_

_  
_ _And Rhodey?_

_  
_ _Steve?_

Tony closes his eyes, tries to will his trembling hand steady as he tightens his grasp on his mouth. A whimper claws against his ribs. Tony swallows down the last of the metallic aftertaste left in his mouth. 

_What if they’re all gone._

What’s Tony going to do then. How is he going to back to Earth? Does anyone even know where he is? Are they going to think he died? He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing his panicked heartbeat would grow loud enough to deafen the scrambling voices in his head. 


End file.
